Henry Kaiser, "What The Dead Men Say"

From henrykaiser.net

MEET THE FLINTSTONES

Fred...

    Wilma.. .

        Barney... 

            Betty... 

                Dino....

FLINTSTONES... meet the Flintstones...

I had kind of a bad experience with The Flintstones when I was very young. Such a terrible experience with The Flintstones that only watched the show once and then I could never stand to watch it again. Let me tell you about it.

The Flintstones premiered on television back in 1960, when I was seven years old. It was kind of an unhappy time in my life. My father was in the hospital, dying of multiple sclerosis. My mother was in a psychiatric ward receiving electroshock therapy. (She was never really the same after that.) I had no other family to speak of beyond my parents. No brothers. No sisters. No friendly adults to watch out for me. But I did have... a wicked uncle. He put me in a military academy. A year-round, military boarding school. No vacations, no going home on weekends. Not a pleasant place. I was there for second, third and fourth grade.

What was life like there? A lot of marching around the parade ground with a toy rifle. Shining your shoes. Getting your room in the barracks ready for inspection. You'd better make your bed really tight. When Captain Dutton came around for inspection he'd bounce his silver dollar off your bed. If it didn't bounce high enough: 25 demerits. No dessert for a week. Major Nichols puts on his white cotton glove. He runs it along the door sill at the top of the door. If you hadn't pulled that little chair over to the door to stand on, and stretched up real tall to dust off that sill - there'd be dirt on Major Nichols' glove. 50 demerits. No dessert for 2 weeks.